When Not To Get Married

When not to get married: with such high divorce statistics are there any indicators when to say no? Reading various reports the answer is yes. However, there are some subtle, as well as not so subtle indicators, which should make you think twice before saying yes.

Professional wedding photos

Here are some questions to ask yourself: but they will only give a true indicator of when not to get married if you answer truthfully. Either sit down with a close friend, or by yourself, and address the pros and cons. Some questions may be applicable to you, others may not. A close friend is more likely to be more challenging of your answers.

It is not a question of how may questions you answer yes to. An example of when not to get married is if there has been abuse of any kind. The answer should be a resounding no. If you still wish to give him/her a chance then at least they should be prepared to acknowledge their abuse, enroll in, and complete an appropriate programme. You should enter this marriage with your eyes wide open.

So, here goes ……….


– when he/she asked you, did you hesitate? 
– why did you hesitate? (and be truthful with yourself) 
– have you just had a whirlwind courtship? 
– are you marrying because the sex is the best ever? 
– have you confused lust for love? 
– are you both still under the age of twenty (20)? 
– has one, or both, of you been divorced before? 
– has one, or both, of you been divorced more than once? 
– are you pregnant? 
– do you think this is the only marriage proposal you are likely to get? 
– do you regard marriage as an escape, e.g. from home? 
– has there been any abuse in the relationship, e.g. physical, mental, drug, alcohol? 
– is your partner pressurizing you, e.g. emotional blackmail, threatening to self-harm? 
– do you feel pressure because all your circle of close friends are now all married? 
– do you just think you are in love, or just in love with the idea with being married? 
– are you marrying just because your family like him/her? 
– are you marrying someone who is more than ten to fifteen years your senior/junior? 
– are you marrying because your families expect you to? 
– is this your first serious relationship? 
– are you marrying to prove you are not “gay”? 
– are you marrying to throw people off the scent because you are “gay” 
– are you marrying because he has a good job with all the status symbols? 
– are you marrying because she will be acceptable to your firm? 
– are you marrying because you wish to “social climb”? 
– are you marrying because you are afraid to be alone? 
– are you marrying because he/she reminds you of your dad/mum?

A true scenario of when not to get married:

I sat down with my close friend the day before her wedding. I said to her: imagine I am a good alien who is going to abduct and protect you. When you return everything will be OK; the wedding will have been cancelled, the groom pacified, the parents understanding, the presents returned and your guests understanding. This I will do for you. She said no, everything was all right.

A couple of years later, after her divorce, she admitted two things to me (a) she married to spite her mother and (b) she wished she had said yes to the “alien abduction”, but just didn’t have the nerve. She married her ex because he reminded her of a famous cricketer whom she admired. 

Finally, the old saying “all good things are worth waiting for”…… don’t be in such a rush to say yes. 

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